Day 16 through 20 - Begin Again

 

Today is the 20th day of my latest effort to lose the weight and stick to the Nutrisystem plan. I originally prepared this blog to document the beginning of a new job, but over 2 months after being laid off there is no job in sight. Therefore, I am choosing to use this for something positive.

Unfortunately, the news is not positive as I've been off track yet again. I let my current bout with poison ivy and my depression over not getting a job be an excuse to indulge my food whims. Last night I resolved to get up today, feed the cats, have breakfast, get dressed and get on the treadmill. It's 5:46 pm and I have done all of those things ! The cookies and cheese danish I bought the last time I grocery shopped are history. 3 of the 4 chocolate bars I bought are history. The 1/2 gallon is ice cream is about 1/3 gone. I have an unopened loaf of cinnamon raisin bread that I may toss in the freezer. I have 2 hotdogs left from the package of 6 I bought. One of the 2 bags of pretzels I bought are gone. So what to do now ? Well, the goal is to limit the ice cream to one scoop per day until it's gone. This will be hard. The chocolate bar can sit in the fridge. I can freeze the raisin bread and the hotdogs will be dinner tonight. The 2nd bag of pretzels can sit for a bit.

So what did I eat today ? Breakfast was 150 calorie Nutrisystem pancakes with low cal syrup. Last time I needed to buy sugar free syrup Walmart didn't have any, so I had to buy low cal instead. I now have 2 bottles of sugar free, so when the open bottle is gone I can go back to that. I also had an 80 calorie yogurt. I then had a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. It was not good, as I've been eating a group of them that had been lost in the freezer for a while. I'm hoping I've eaten all of those old ones ! I then finished the open bag of pretzels before getting on the treadmill. It's 5:55 pm now and I won't be hungry for a while. I'm enjoying a Diet Coke and some YouTube as I write this.

I feel good about being back on the treadmill. Is it hard ? Yes, it absolutely is hard ! I am so out of shape and so fat and so disgusted with myself. I have to put the depression over the job situation aside and focus on making good use of the time I have. I am planning on getting back on the treadmill at 8 pm !

My poison ivy is healing and today is the first day I haven't needed to take Benadryl or apply anti-itch lotion to the areas that are affected. Ever since my shower today my left eye had been bothering me and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I was starting to worry that my poison ivy was the issue ... but a few minutes ago I finally pulled a very fine hair out of my eye ! Instant relief !

I've fallen into a bad sleep cycle and I need to fix that too. I think it was 3 am or later before I went to sleep "last night" but I was up at 9:30. I could easily have gone back to sleep but I knew the cats were all waiting for me to feed them, so I had to get up. It's good to have that pressure ! The goal going forward will be to be in bed by 11. I also plan to take a shower each morning after breakfast. Tomorrow I plan to follow the same plan that I laid out for today. However, I'm going to make an effort to get on the treadmill at least 3 times. Monday or Tuesday I will go to the grocery store and get some fresh produce. I will also gas up the car, have the oil changed and get the inspection done.

Nothing else has really been going on since I last wrote. Wednesday I went to rock and roll bingo and had a good time. It was my turn to pay and since I had a voucher and points I only spent about $73. However, Joe needed to kill some time before picking Alyssa & Erin up at the airport (they were returning from Banff) so we stayed at Point Place to play the slots. I lost about $100. I've decided I won't be going to Turning Stone anymore even because I can't control what I spend and right now is not the time to be throwing hundreds of dollars away. The poison ivy really made me miserable so I had no desire to go anywhere or do anything else. Today it looks awful on my right hand because it's the hand I used to pull the vines out of the ground. I only have a tiny patch on my left hand and the area behind my right ear and neck just looks like a mild irritation. The area on my stomach is unsightly but no one but me sees that ! I think it will all be a lot less noticeable by the next round of rock and roll bingo ! I'm so glad I started using Benadryl to manage the inflammation of bug bites and this rash. The itching really can make you crazy and the end up with raw skin. I did "pop" a lot of the blistered areas with a pin just because I felt like it would speed up the healing process. That's not recommended but I am impatient ! I also felt like the blistered areas stopped itching once the pressure was relieved.

Now that I'm feeling better I am going to work hard to get this weight off. I'm spending $300 a month on Nutrisystem and it's stupid to continually sabotage myself. I haven't cooked a veggie in weeks, so I need to get those back into my routine as well. When I first started Nutrisystem I used to snack on raw carrots. I am going to start doing that again. I had bought 2 bags of them the last time I was at Wegman's and they are sitting in the fridge, probably rotting. So stupid.

I feel like I'm in a better place right now. I'm over losing my job. I'm accepting that I may not find a new one that pays me what I used to make, but I'm not yet ready to settle for a job that doesn't pay well. With $80k in the bank, I can pay my bills for more than a year and that will bring me closer to age 65, when I can get Medicare. In 2025 I will have to make some decisions about how I want to live, if I don't have a new job. Paying out of pocket for health insurance is going to be my biggest expense starting 12-1-24. I'm still looking for a job and applying, but I'm not spending time every day on that. It's too overwhelming and it's very depressing. On the flip side, I kind of like not having to go to work, so if this is going to be my retirement, I'm ok with that !

In the end, today was a successful day ! I got a second workout in around 7:30 since I was up and around getting dinner for Minnie. However, afterwards I got that shaky feeling that signaled I needed to eat. Those pretzels ! I know better than to eat a bunch of carbs. Anyhow, I had a cheese stick and then cooked my dinner, which was the final 2 hotdogs. Dessert was a Nutrisystem cupcake (140 calories) with whipped cream and a scoop of ice cream.

I have 3 workouts scheduled on my iFit calendar tomorrow and the plan is to start my day the same as today: get up, feed cats, have breakfast, shower, get dressed, get on treadmill. Today it was after 5 pm before I got on the treadmill and that was just laziness. The goal for tomorrow is to be on it before noon. It's nearly midnight now, so I'm headed to bed. Speaking of which, after months of not making my bed I actually made it today ! The goal for tomorrow is to make my bed when I get up OR when I go upstairs to take my shower. I used to make it when I got up every morning, so I'm really going to try and start doing that again. I feel like I need to get myself back into the good habits that have gone by the wayside over the past couple of years. That also includes taking my vitamins and brushing my teeth ! On that note .. I'm going to refill my water and head upstairs to brush my teeth and go to bed !