Day 21 - Begin Again

 

Today is the 21st day of my latest effort to lose the weight and stick to the Nutrisystem plan. I originally prepared this blog to document the beginning of a new job, but over 2 months after being laid off there is no job in sight. Therefore, I am choosing to use this for something positive.

I wasn't up as early as I'd have liked today, because I didn't get to sleep as early as I'd have liked ! The goal for today was getting myself tired enough so that I can get to sleep earlier tonight !

I was up just before 9 and the stray cats were nowhere to be found. That is likely because they were used to be being fed at 7 am and it's getting later and later now. I fed Minnie and made my breakfast. By the time I had eaten, a couple of the strays had showed up. I fed them but the girls turned their nose up at the flavor of canned food I put out. I think it was turkey. The male had no problem digging right in. I put out some chicken flavor and they didn't seem to want that either. Oh well, I'm not entertaining picky strays ! They can eat the dry food if the canned isn't what they want.

So breakfast was 160 calorie Nutrisystem waffles with low cal syrup. This stuff has 50 calories vs the 15 in the sugar free, so it's not awful. Shortly after 11 I had my 80 calorie yogurt.

I changed up my routine a little today and decided to shower this evening. Makes sense considering it's hot and muggy and I plan to be on the treadmill 3 times today. I took some time to vacuum the carpets since I didn't do that yesterday. I only saw one flea yesterday, so I think vacuuming frequently and treating Minnie has helped get that under control. I will keep up with treating her and vacuuming until some time has gone by with no fleas in sight. The good thing is I don't see any flea "dirt" anywhere that Minnie lies, so that is a great sign. I also don't see it when I brush her, although she doesn't let me brush her tummy - which is where fleas tend to hide. No flea dirt means there are no fleas feeding on her and that is great !

My skin is continuing to heal from the poison ivy. I picked off the scabs on my right ring finger last night, so it looks a little better. I haven't needed Benadryl and I have no itching, so that is a relief ! Picking off the scabs wasn't really the smartest thing to do, but they looked so awful. The rash behind my right ear and on my neck/face is healing well too. That never got really bad so it wasn't as unsightly as my hand. My stomach is healing too and probably looks the worst because it's a collection of red dots ! I never scratched at that or felt the need to rupture the blisters, so it should heal pretty quickly.

The plan for today was to get on the treadmill at noon. I scheduled 3 workouts last night in hopes it would provide motivation ! I didn't make it to the treadmill for workout #1 until nearly 1:30, but I made it .. and that is ALL that matters !

After my workout I had my lunch, a "fresh" 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. I think I've eaten all the old ones I recently found hiding in the door of the fridge. I still have an excess of Nutrisystem dinner entrees and I will continue using some of them for lunch entrees until I have evened up the numbers and ensured things don't go past their expiration. I may need to buy some alternate items for breakfast and evening snack to hold me over until my next shipment. I need to stretch out the shipment date if I ever want to get the backlog of dinner items resolved. Wegman's sells frozen waffles that meet Nutrisystem guidelines so I would just need to come up with some alternate evening snack items. Since I still have ice cream in the house, I'm going to just have a scoop of ice cream with whipped cream for my snack until the ice cream is gone. That will help stretch out the snack items. I can also look into sugar free pudding as an alternate item. I also have a ton of sugar free jello, so I need to make some of that. No matter what, I will not starve !

Another item I am working on, again, is my vitamins. After my lunch today I took the multivitamin and vitamin D & E. I will take the iron, potassium and zinc with my dinner. Last one is a calcium chew I will take at bedtime. I have a bottle of magnesium that I also want to start taking and I'd like to get back to having Metamucil once a day. I had stopped that when I had the episode of bloody diarrhea a few months back. I've been fine since that cleared up so I think I either overdid the Miralax OR I picked up something like giardia from produce or the stray cats. I'm more careful now to wash my hands after interacting with the cats or handling their bowls and I also wash off my celery and radishes when I make a salad. I'm also careful not to use their bowls when I feed Minnie. She has her own bowls that I only use for her food.

As of 2:18 pm the plan is to get back on the treadmill around 4 pm. The first workout of the day was 20m55s and it was not easy. It's so hard to see where I was and where I am today. I used to be able to do nearly an hour at speeds up to 3.9 mph and right now 2.2 mph is an effort ! I keep telling myself I got there before and I can get there again, but it's not easy. I sit here now seeing my fat gut in front of me and I'm so disgusted. I also hate the heaviness of my boobs. I'm glad you lose the weight there first ! I hate being stuck in plus size clothes again. I hate the fact that some 3X sports bras I have are too tight ! I had to buy a couple "medium support" so that I could even breathe in them. Basically, I hate the way I look and feel. Getting into the other 3X sports bras is a current goal ! Eventually getting into all the pretty matching bra/legging sets I have is another goal.

When it comes to my weight, I'm not sure of the exact number right now. I'm going to guess 280. Today, my long term goal is reaching 199 again - so that means losing 81 pounds. It's a lot but I know I can do it. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning when I get up, so that I have an exact number. I have the scale in the kitchen and I've been ignoring it for a bit. Today I looked back in my original blog to see when I made it from 304 to 199 and it was on day 296. Wow. It took me almost a year. Even though today is "day 21" I'm not starting at 304, so my goal is to be at 199 or less by day 296. 

Rain moved in around 2:20 pm, right on schedule ! After I closed the windows and replenished the cat food for Minnie I was looking for a snack. I didn't want a salad, I just wanted something quick. I decided to get out a bag of the carrots I bought and see if they were still good. They were, so I washed a big bowl and ate them as my snack. This is taking me back to my early Nutrisystem days. I'm coming to realize that I have to go back to where I started if I want to get back to where I want to be. 

Here is a link to my original Day 21, which was January 24, 2019. I had such hope for the future at only 3 weeks into the program, even though I was facing the loss of my job at the time ! I was lucky to get another 5 years as that helped me straighten out my finances and be in a position to survive job loss. Sadly, my mom's passing and my associated inheritance also strengthened my financial position. I wish she was still here. I'd so much rather have her than her money. So this is where I am today. I'm 3 weeks into the latest (LAST !) effort to get this weight off and I'm starting to feel like I can do this !

Well, it's 4:08 pm and I have no excuse not to get on the treadmill ... so here I go ! It's 4:41 now and workout #2 is in the books. It was 13m2s at 2.2 mph. I should mention that all of my workouts include a 3 minute warmup and a 3 minute cooldown. Today I forced myself to set the warmup to 2 mph but the cooldown is 1.8 mph for 90 seconds and 1.5 mph for 90 seconds. I plan to get on the treadmill for #3 around 7:30 pm and then I'll take my shower.

After my workout I had my afternoon snack, an 80 calorie cheese stick and eight 10 calorie crackers. I could have had 1.5 cheese sticks and 12 crackers, but I'm opting for the minimum where I can. It helps that I had the carrots earlier to fill up my stomach, so I will continue to eat them.

Pulling myself from the depths of depression means getting into a good routine and working on self care. Losing the weight is self care. Taking my vitamins is self care. Showers, skincare, brushing your teeth .. all self care. Basic things for the average person, but an extreme effort when you're feeling down. No, extreme effort when you're depressed. Let's call it what it is. I am so depressed over losing my job #1 and gaining all this weight back #2. Cleaning your house and doing laundry is self care too. Self care isn't going to the spa and getting a facial and massage. It's about doing the things that make you happy and these simple things make me happy. I don't need fancy or expensive - I never have. I'm satisfied with the home I have and it'll be paid for in a few years. I still tend to believe things happen for a reason. If I get a new job, so be it. If I don't, well then I'm destined for retirement. Is our life pre-ordained ? Some say it is. I guess I'll just have to let things play out and see what happens.

Dinner was a 260 calorie turkey medallions with mashed potatoes. This is one of my most favorite Nutrisystem entrees, as it's the only one with mashed potatoes. I also cooked a bag of brussel sprouts that had been aging in the freezer for quite some time. I didn't even check the "use by" date as I'm sure it is long passed. I steamed them in the microwave and sprinkled on some butter flavored salt. They were good but I couldn't finish them all. I'll have the rest tomorrow with my lunch or dinner.

I excused myself from a 3rd workout because it's now after 8 pm, there's a thunderstorm coming AND I have a bit of stomach ache. The stomach ache is likely due to the carrots. My body is not used to that much roughage. I've had this problem before with raw carrots and I know with time my digestion will adjust and I'll be fine.