Day 24: Time To Fight !

 

Here is the link to my original Day 24. It was Sunday January 27, 2019. My headline that day was "Trust Yourself". I survived a restaurant meal that day and was proud of myself. I haven't been proud of myself in a long, long time.

Breakfast was a 270 calorie breakfast sandwich. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and probably 1/2 a bag of pretzels. Dinner was 240 calorie creamy chicken alfredo with brussel sprouts. Evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake. I didn't have a morning or afternoon snack.

I mention I haven't been proud of myself in a long, long time and that is so true. I put in all the time, effort and money to lose the weight and then gained it all right back. Here I now, 24 days into the last ditch effort to lose it again ... and I've made zero progress. I have no one to blame but myself. The fact that I don't have a job (or even the prospect of one) is a big factor. I am a bit depressed about that. I really hope to get into the company my former colleague works for. Even if the pay is crappy, I can gain some experience in telecom expense management AND look for a better paying job in the field if I need to. I can use my savings, pension and investment account to supplement my income.

It's long past time to put on my big girl panties, stop feeling sorry for myself and stop feeding my emotions with food. Most days I don't get dressed. I don't shower. I don't make my bed. I don't brush my teeth. I don't take my vitamins. I don't clean the house. I sit here on the couch with endless YouTube videos playing while I also play Cookie Jam. My brain is turning to mush and my depression just gets deeper and deeper. I have to stop this. I have to start living again.

It may have been late in the day, but I forced myself to make my bed and take a shower. I had to start somewhere. I may not "check all the boxes" today, but it's a start. I felt so much better after I showered, washed my hair and did my skincare. Around 5 pm I decided to set up my new tv, which has been sitting in the dining room in the box since it was delivered about 2 months ago. By 6 I had it all set up and it's beautiful. I had thought it was bigger than what I had, but it turns out my existing tv was a 65" and so is the new one. However, my old one had some busted pixels that caused a line across & down the center of the screen. You couldn't really see it unless the background of the picture was black, so it never really bothered me. I think we damaged it when it was mounted on the wall back in 2018. The new one will eventually be mounted to the wall, but I didn't feel like that was a job I could take on by myself. I'll have my brother do it some day BUT we'll be more careful not to damage it ! The remote for the new tv has a lot more buttons, so I have to get used to that. The remote for the old tv was very basic and that made it easy to navigate without looking at it. The new one has 46 buttons ! Ugh.

Around 4 pm I got a message on LinkedIn from my former colleague TD. I had messaged her to advise I had applied for a job where she works and it turns out (not surprisingly) that she already knew. She gave me a good recommendation and I shared that I had told them how lucky they are to have her. I also told her that whether they hire me or not, I'm glad she's with a company that values her. She was very kind to me when I first started at AT&T, so it would be fun to work with her again !