Day 32: The Beginning of Month Two

 

Here is the link to my original Day 32. It was  Monday February 4, 2019. My headline that day was "Never Lose Hope". It seemed like I was doing well with the program but exercise was a challenge and I was needing to get back on track. I think today is a good day to use the "Never Lose Hope" headline. I'm 32 days in and I've lost no weight. I weighed myself this morning and the scale read 282 .. which means I've gained even more weight. I will weigh myself again tomorrow to ensure that was an accurate reading.

Today was rock & roll bingo and I did nothing around the house and I didn't exercise. I spent the morning watching YouTube and playing Cookie Jam. I took a shower just after noon and then worked on getting my hair done, putting on makeup, brushing my teeth and getting dressed. I also spent plenty of time watching more YouTube and scrolling my phone. 

Breakfast was 180 calorie waffled with sugar free syrup. I also had an 80 calorie yogurt. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 2 string cheese (160 calories) and about 120 calories worth of crackers. Dinner was a pepperoni flatbread pizza and a 95 calorie Michelob Ultra. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. I didn't have a morning snack.

We had a great time at rock & roll bingo. Rich won a round and then Kim & Joe both won - the first husband and wife bingo's ! I got home around 10:20. Two of Kim's friends joined us, so it wasn't the usual intimate gathering. I felt a little left out when Barb invited Kim to a wine tasting and didn't bother to ask if I wanted to go. I guess I don't fit in with her friend group. Oh well.

So today didn't go the way I'd have liked and yet again, I made unreasonable goals for the days. I really, really, really have to stop with the goals every day. I have one goal: lose the weight. That is the "what". Everything else (exercise, eliminating extras, taking vitamins, drinking more water) is the "how". I need to focus on the how's but I can't focus on them all at the same time. Trying to do that keeps tripping me up. I have other "what's" I need to focus on too. Making my bed every day, brushing my teeth every day, showering every day. I shouldn't have to set goals for these tasks, but that is where I am right now and it's necessary.

I'd like to think tomorrow will be a "perfect" day, but I'll settle for a "better" day. I really want to mow the lawn and that would satisfy the exercise requirement for the day. I also have laundry and dishes that need to be done. I can't say I'll do all that tomorrow, but those are the most pressing tasks. I also need to vacuum and just generally clean up the house. The bathrooms also need to be cleaned. Lots and lots to do, plenty of time to do it ... yet I sit on the couch all day every day accomplishing nothing.

One thing I am working on is convincing myself that feeling hungry is good ! Most of my life I ate whenever I felt hungry. I've been doing that the last couple of years too. If I want to get the weight off I need to get used to feeling hungry OR take steps to mitigate that. I am still eating erratically and that contributes to being hungry. I'm also not drinking enough water. Very often your body will make you think you're hungry, when in fact you are thirsty.

The bottom line in all aspects of my life is this: I need to take back control and pull myself out of the hole I'm in. If my interview Tuesday goes well and I'm eventually offered a job, I'm not going to have as much free time, so my house needs to be in order. If I want to lose the weight I need to get my diet in order.

I have a lot to do and it feels overwhelming, but I know I can do it. I've done it before and I can do it again. Going forward I'm only going to focus on what I did each day, not what I didn't do.

One other item I was thinking about today was strength. My legs are so weak because I sit around all the time. I'm going to try spending a few minutes each day just doing some simple legs lifts. If I'm at the microwave for a minute I can do leg lifts while I wait. Simple things like that can have a big impact over time. 

On that note, I'm heading for bed ! It's after 12:30, so it's technically Thursday already !