Day 46: Doing Better !

 

Wednesday October 2, 2024

Here is the link to my original Day 46. It was  Monday February 18, 2019. My headline that day was "The Strength To Go On". It was inspired by this quote “Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” Facing the loss of my job was hard, especially considering I didn't have the comfort of food. I was also trying not to spend money at the casino, even though I took my mother there almost every Saturday. That was an escape and I enjoyed spending time with my mom. I really miss her. Another inspiration for that quote was the student in my oncologists office who told me that "at my age" I shouldn't expect to lose a lot of weight. That happened over 10 years ago and I still remember it. I know she was trying to make me feel better but it still stung. She could have just said weight loss can be more difficult as you age, but it's not impossible. When you've been fat all your life, weight loss is always going to be difficult. You are fat for a reason and you have to be able to change the behaviors keep you from exercising and eating sensibly. If you don't change the behaviors, you will fail - like I did. As soon as I reached my goal I started saying "oh, I can have this" here and there, but eventually I lost control and here I am now at 276 pounds. All the hard work I did was erased. All the money I spent on Nutrisystem, wasted. The reason I have such a backlog of Nutrisystem dinners is because for a long time I was eating other things (like pizza) for dinner every night. I never stopped eating Nutrisystem breakfast, lunch and evening snacks. The problem there is I was also eating candy, baked goods and ice cream. I also ate a fair number of frozen dinners that were calorie bombs while I was sick. I know all the mistakes I made and I really have to dig deep and make sure I never fall back into that trap. Even if I'm sick, there is no reason to indulge in a bunch of junk. As an emotional eater, I have to replace food as a comfort item. If I'm feeling stressed I should hop on the treadmill or go for a walk outside. Food is never going to be the answer. I do feel I'm making progress. Last night I really felt hungry at bedtime and that bag of pretzels was calling me. Several hours after I went to bed I even considered going downstairs to get them. The good news is I didn't do it. I reminded myself that it's ok to be hungry. So what if it takes longer to get to sleep ? It's not like I have to get up at a specific time ! 

In positive news, the scale read 276 this morning ! This was incredibly unexpected but wow, I was so happy ! I just need to lose 2 more pounds to "earn back" my 30 pound bear ! I am reminded (for the 100th time) how wildly your weight can fluctuate based on water retention and the amount of material in your digestive tract. I am glad the scale is starting to move and I am even more determined to get this weight back off. If nothing else, I will prove to myself that I don't need weight loss drugs or surgery ! I worry about my sister being on Ozempic because of the potential side effects. I've heard a lot of stories about the weight coming right back as soon as you stop the medicine, so do you roll the dice and take it forever ? Nope, not me. I will do it the old fashioned way with diet and exercise. Nutrisystem might be $260 a month, but it feeds me. Also, in all honesty, I love the way I feel after a good workout ! I'm hoping that the increased exercise and decreased weight will help with my joint pain. My knee was bothering me during the night but it was fine during the workout. My hip was good too. Today I walked around for a few minutes before I got on the treadmill, as I get a little stiff when I sit on the couch for too long. That really seemed to help !

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup. I never got around to having my yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. 

I went out around 10:30 to pay my school taxes and my water/sewer bill. It's a good thing I had a reminder in my phone as I might have forgotten. I was going to get the mail but the parking lot at the post office was pretty full and the traffic on that street was a mess due to work on the water lines. I can take a walk there tomorrow or Friday and it'll be less hassle. My Beekman order has been delivered, so I'm excited to pick that up ! It's a good thing I had to pay taxes today, as I was not motivated to get up and get dressed. I slept in until nearly  9 am ! I was awake just after 7 and should have got up then, as I felt like a truck ran over me when I did get up. Fortunately that feeling didn't last once I was up and moving. Still, once I was on the couch with my coffee, YouTube and Cookie Jam I could have stayed there all day !

I got on the treadmill around 12:40 and completed the 20 minute beach walk. I still get out of breath, but it seems to be slightly easier each time. I'm glad I pushed myself to do this, in spite of the fear I could not maintain the faster pace. Yet again, I was afraid for no reason ! Today my heart rate maxed out at 141, which is more reasonable. I've acclimated to the 4 minute cool down now, so it no longer seems like such an effort. It's a big achievement to spend 27 minutes on the treadmill ! I am optimistic that I can regain my former speed and endurance.

After the treadmill and my lunch, it was time to get a shower in. I never know if rock & roll bingo is on but I have to assume it is when it comes time to start getting ready. Regardless, I need a shower !

I happened to see a story this morning that stated our Governor advised people there is no need to rush out to the grocery stores and empty the shelves. When I was at Walmart yesterday it appeared all was normal and there was no panic buying of things. I doubt that most of the staple you buy in the store are coming in on ships. I did read that bananas could become scarce, but I don't buy those anyway. The produce I buy is likely sourced from Mexico, the US and Canada so there shouldn't be any impact to those things. Clothing, furniture, appliances, electronics etc. could be affected since they come from overseas but I don't have a need for any of that stuff. I'm going to guess there are probably plenty of immigrants that will be willing to step into those port jobs and keep things moving. We'll see how long this strike lasts. The strike may also lead to more automation and loss of jobs, which is one of the things the unions are trying to stop from happening.

 

Below is what I achieved today. I am focusing on what I do each day, and not looking back to what I did or didn't do any other day.

Make the bed - x

feed cats - x

have breakfast - x

get dressed - x

exercise - x

clean litter boxes - x

take vitamins - 

have morning snack - x

have lunch - x

have afternoon snack - x

have dinner - x

have evening snack - x

shower - x

skincare - x

brush teeth - x