Day 100: So Far Behind

 

Not that long ago I was feeling really good about being back on Nutrisystem. Then the blood showed up in my stool again. As a result, I crashed and burned. I'm still finding it hard to climb out of the hole I allowed myself to fall into. I'm not convinced there is nothing wrong with me and I'm afraid of what may come. I am still committed to addressing my health in the new year and that may or may not give me peace of mind. It may give me news I don't want to hear. That being said, I do feel better. The abdominal pain I was having resolved. The blood in my stool resolved. I've stopped sitting on the yoga pillow and I'm trying harder to sit up straight. I did read that constantly slumping over crushes your abdominal organs and can lead to issue with your gut, so I'm hoping this is the problem !

Today's weather is quite different from yesterday and as always, I miss the blue skies and sunshine ! It's pretty windy today and me may see some flurries overnight. Tomorrow and Thursday look to be fine from a weather perspective, but my area has a winter storm watch for Friday, Saturday and Sunday ! As of today there are no predictions as to the amount of snow so it's all up in the air, but they're saying there is a possibility of heavy lake effect snow Friday afternoon into Saturday. I'm glad I already like up someone to plow ! Regardless of what happens, I'm glad I shopped ahead and have plenty of food for myself and the cats. Today was trash day and I hadn't intended to put the garbage out, but I discovered the lettuce and celery I bought for salads a few weeks ago was rotting. I ended up tossing it and putting the trash out. I put the box of broken glass out on top of the bin since it's a bit heavy and should keep the wind from tipping the bin over. I'm not going to buy salad stuff for a while since I'm not eating it. I may start having a hot veggie with my lunch.

When it comes to food I'm off track with the Nutrisystem 6 meals/snacks a day. That said, I'm not starving. I bought a big tub of cashews and I snack on those. I also have pretzel rods to snack on. I also bought some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls that you bake and those were good ! I also bought Marie Callendar's scalloped potatoes and ham and had those for dinner Sunday and Monday. They were really good ! I also bought a couple of beef pot pies and had one of those Saturday, I think. I still have one in the freezer. I weighed myself today around noon and was at 275 with my clothes on. Not happy about that but it's not awful.

With my credit card payment today, all of my bills are paid for November. The cycle starts all over again in a couple days ! December will bring the expense of Christmas gifts and January will bring the property tax and water/sewer bills. Those are typically due at the end of the month and then February will bring car insurance. My bank account will take a big hit but I still have just under $70k, so I'm not worried. I still plan to sign up for unemployment in January, so that will help offset the health insurance cost.

Facebook reminded me that on this day in 2012 I was in the ER with Alex, who was suffering his 2nd bout of cellulitis. His weight, lack of personal care and poorly controlled diabetes contributed to these episodes. I wish I could go back and do things differently to help him lose weight and control his diabetes better. Neither of us was in a good place mentally and physically and all I worried about was my job and paying the bills. 1997 to 2014 were the hardest years of my life and things didn't get better until after the fire in 2017. When I think about this today I am doubly angry with myself for gaining all this weight back. I was SO happy when I got down to a size 10 and here I am a fat pig again. I'm going to go gently through Thanksgiving, but then it's back to the treadmill and controlling my food intake.

I've been trying to moderate the political coverage I watch, limiting it to those who support Trump and his agenda. I'm not going to read or watch the rhetoric the naysayer's are continuing to spew, because it's the same drivel they've been spouting since Trump was elected in 2016. I can't wait until January 20 when Trump can start dialing back some of the ridiculous things Biden allowed to happen. I will cheer when the deportations start. I will cheer when the funding of ridiculous initiatives is cut. I will cheer when the bureaucracy is revealed and budgets are cut. I go into this knowing that my life is unlikely to change. I won't magically find a job. The benefits available to me are unlikely to improve or get cheaper. My taxes will be less only because my income will be less. Still, the illegals need to go and the borders need to be shut down. It's not fair to use my tax dollars to support non-American's. The illegals are getting more benefits than American citizens (and legal immigrants !) and that is just wrong. About the only benefit I might see is a bump in my IRA if the markets perform well under Trump's leadership. There are those who predict doom and gloom, but they said the same thing in 2015 ! Considering the impacts of the COVID pandemic, I think Trump actually lucked out by not being re-elected in 2020. We'll see what happens. I hope to see less DEI and "woke" BS.

Below is what I achieved today. I am focusing on what I do each day, and not looking back to what I did or didn't do any other day. I hope that one day soon I won't need a checklist to ensure I do all of these everyday tasks !

Make the bed - 

feed cats - x

have breakfast - x

get dressed - x

exercise - 

clean litter boxes - 

have morning snack - 

have lunch - 

have afternoon snack - 

have dinner - 

have evening snack - 

shower - 

skincare - 

brush teeth -