Day 138 & 139: Winter Weekend

 

Winter is so beautiful, but it's my least favorite time of year. I worry about my heating system keeping up with the low temps and I now I worry about the cost of heating, since I'm unemployed. I did set the thermostats lower this winter so I'm hoping to save a bit of money. I also worry about being able to go places, as I don't like to drive in the snow. Coming home from bingo last Wednesday I ran into a brief spurt of heavy snow but since I could see the road, I wasn't too stressed about that. I only worry if the road is snow covered because then visibility can be a real challenge.

Friday I had planned to make my spritz cookies, but I never did. I told my sister my press broke and she let me borrow hers. I told her I ordered a new one but took hers "just in case" my new one didn't come. I'm not proud of this, that is for sure. I just can't function in this cold weather. All I want to do it sit on my ass and do nothing. Maybe I'm blaming that on winter, maybe some of it is depression. I'm just not in a great place. I'm really unhappy with my weight, and I'm determined to address that once the holidays are over. I first started Nutrisystem on January 4, 2019. I am determined to be 100% back on it by January 4, 2025.

So yesterday I went over to Kim's to help bake cookies. I didn't do much as it was well underway by the time I got there. Erin, Alyssa and Lauren did much of the work, along with Barb. Regardless, I had a good time and I was glad to be out of the house and around people. Perhaps some of my problem is being alone so much, because I feel so much better when I'm around my family. This spring and summer I am determined to "get out" more, especially if I am still not working. We ordered Mexican food for dinner and although it was very good, it made me miss my own enchiladas even more ! I am going to make some and freeze them in individual portions ! I'm thinking about getting away from Nutrisystem food, but first I have to prove I can practice portion control ! It was nearly 9 pm when I got home last night and I went to bed just after midnight. I fell asleep on the couch and that is not good. Why ? Well, it reminds me of my pre-Nutrisystem days when I would fall asleep after dinner. I know darn well it's a sign of high insulin levels. Hello wake-up call !

I was awake around 8 this morning and got up shortly after. There was only 1 stray cat waiting so she got a whole can of food to herself. She doesn't come every day, so I'm sure she was hungry. It was pretty cold this morning so the others may show up later. Temps were in the low 30's today but we're going to be in the 40's through Wednesday. Our weather is certainly a roll coaster right now ! Tomorrow I plan to take advantage of the warmer weather and clean up the snow that is left in the driveway. I also need to clean up the kitchen so that I can make my cookies on Tuesday.

Speaking of cookies, I brought a bunch home but I may toss a lot of them. Erin & Alyssa made 4 or 5 different kinds and I'm not sure I will like them. I'll give them a try but toss them if I don't like them. I am not going to eat a bunch of calories if I don't like the product. I brought home 2 dozen of the cutout cookies, as they are my mom's recipe and they're my favorite ! I eat them unfrosted, so that saves on some calories. 

Some of my food issues pertain to impulse eating and eating things I don't enjoy. In the past year or so, every freaking time I've done fast food it's been disappointing. DQ is no longer that good and McDonald's is just awful. Still, I crave them at times ! It makes no sense, because every time I go I'm hoping for delicious food and every time it's crap. I am better off buying some hamburger and a bag of frozen fries to make at home. It would cost less, satisfy my craving AND taste better ! The only good part of my McDonald's visit last week was the vanilla shake, which I put in the freezer when I got home and had it later in the evening as soft serve ice cream ! The double quarter pounder was good but I had to nuke it after I reheated the fries under the broiler. I did a google search for impulse eating and everything points to binge eating. I feel like these are 2 different things. Then you have compulsive eating. I don't consider myself a binge eater or a compulsive eater. I get a craving and too often I eat other things instead of just giving in to the specific craving. The problem with this is in the end I will give in to the craving after eating other things. I feel like I need to practice mindful eating. I am going to try redirecting myself when I get the urge to eat without truly feeling "hungry". If my stomach isn't growling, then I'm not hungry ! Very often I suspect I am just thirsty, so I need to work on drinking more at the same time. At the moment I feel like plain water is more appealing than the raspberry lemonade flavor I've been drinking for several years.

I spent the morning watching YouTube and playing Cookie Jam. This afternoon I spent some time clearing out about 1000 emails from my various accounts. I also checked in on my bank account and outstanding bills to ensure everything is on track. I also checked in on my IRA, which is over $403k now. Not bad considering it was $378k when I opened it in June ! In surprising news, my medical cost for 2025 will be $576.30 per month instead of $599, which is great ! That savings offsets most of the $31 premium for my dental plan ! In the new year I plan to take full advantage of the dental plan to get my teeth in order. I also plan to take full advantage of the wellness benefits in my medical plan to ensure I'm healthy. I feel like I'll be ok through 2025 as I have plenty in my savings to get me through the year. I really want to avoid taking Social Security as long as possible, but I plan to discuss options with my financial planner. All in all, I am feeling better about my lack of a job and my financial situation. I do need to remember to log in and print my new ID cards in January, if they don't mail them to me.

I had thought 2024 was going to be a great year, though I knew the possibility of being laid off was coming. Still, when it did come I didn't expect to only have 2 weeks notice. Historically, layoffs came with a 60 day notice. I never fooled myself by thinking the "company" actually cared about me. They didn't. Did I think they "needed" me ? Yes, I did. So, was I surprised to be laid off ? Yes, I honestly was. Still, I can't complain. They continued my medical benefits at the employee rate through November. They paid me 6 months of severance and for some of my vacation days. I also have a good pension waiting for me, along with over $1300 in my HSA. Then there is the $378k 401k that I rolled over to an IRA. I did contribute some to the HSA and I always contributed 6% to my 401k, but the company added a fair amount to those balances. All in all I will be fine, but I wish I could have left when I was ready. I had over 39 good years, so it's all good !

Lately I've been watching a lot of YouTube video's about overconsumption. Things like "restock" video's and shopping hauls. These "influencers" spend tons of money to create these video's (mostly on TikTok) and get paid tons of money for views. For me, it's a good reminder not to buy "stuff". I put a lot of effort into getting debt free and it's even more important to stay that way now. The US has now passed a law banning TikTok unless the Chinese sell it to a US company. On January 19 Google and Apple have to remove the app from their app stores, unless TikTok can find a court willing to issue an injunction to the law taking effect. So far, they've found no friendly court and honestly, I would be glad to see this app go. It's really gotten a lot of people in trouble. The "Chase Free Money Glitch" started with TikTok. I really think it's had a massive negative effect on young people in this country, so I really hope the ban goes through. Of course, some new app will come along, but maybe people will realize they can live without it, once it's banned. A lot of the YouTube video's I've been watching the past few days are based on things seen on TikTok. So many young people don't want to work. They want to make TikTok's all day long and live off that. Well, that will work until you get older and the next generation or next trend comes along. They're going to wake up one day with no education, no job, no money and no future. I see it with Lauren. She's 36 years old and still lives at home. She claims to have no savings and her job doesn't pay that much. She cries about that, but won't put any effort into adding to her skills so that she can get a higher paying job. She works in a law office and could easily train to be a paralegal. She does have an investment account and an inheritance from Aunt Ann, so I don't think she'll starve at any point in her life. Problem with her is she spends all her money. She's goes on trips (Hawaii this year) and spent thousands to go see Taylor Swift. All the money she pisses away on vacations could pay for her to have her own place. She spends a ton on expensive makeup, clothes and fake nails. She'd rather live at home and be a child. It's sad, considering her sister learned a trade, bought a house (with the help of Kim & Joe) and has no debt or worry about her future. She'll end up supporting Lauren once Kim & Joe are gone. Hopefully it'll be many years before that happens, but it will happen to all of us eventually. She has the same sickness many people have now: she wants to be paid a ton of money but not work hard for it. I am so glad I grew up in a different generation and I'm so grateful to be financially secure. Anyhow, watching some of these video's help remind me how fortunate I am and it keeps me from being tempted to chase trends. I will admit I was tempted by the Stanley cup trend. So many people are going crazy to buy every new color or theme that is released, when these water bottles are $45 to $50 or more each. I never bought one but I did look into them online. One thing I often do is put things in my cart or wish list on Amazon and then let them sit there. Most of the time the "impulse" passes and I delete the item. Latest example is the entire Miami Vice tv series on DVD. I seriously considered buying that. Whaaaaat ? You don't have a fucking job and you think buying the entire MV series is a smart move ? So stupid. It was an impulse and it passed. Totally something I do not need and probably wouldn't ever watch. I got several DVD's for Christmas last year and I haven't watched any of them. Thinking about this, I just hopped over to Amazon and deleted the 2 items that were sitting in my cart. One was a shower curtain I was going to use as a curtain on the storm door of the porch and the other item was digital timers for my Christmas lights. I found an extra timer to use in the kitchen, so I no longer need any more. I also don't need the curtain on the storm door of the porch. Funny thing is I do have a couple of plastic bins in my freezer that I've seen in restock video's. Difference is I bought them long before I ever saw a restock video. I bought them because the cardboard boxes I kept my Nutrisystem items in for several years were falling apart. I bought 2 bins for the freezer and a small bin for the fridge to hold my salad items. I can't imagine buying one to hold every single item in the fridge. Moral of the story is that for me, these video's are "what not to do".

So, I didn't get anything accomplished today. That's ok. The plan for tomorrow is to clean up the kitchen and get ready to bake cookies on Tuesday. I may also go to Walmart as I just need a couple things (cat litter, baby wipes, cottage cheese, milk, maybe a head of lettuce). I need an oil change and depending on the weather, I may go and do that. We'll see how motivated I am to get out of the house !