Day 140: A Year of Regrets

 

I had so much hope for 2024, but I haven't accomplished anything. I failed miserably getting back on my diet and exercise program. I lost my job. I can't seem to keep my house neat, though I'm trying. Here is a link to my first post of 2024: New Year  I feel like I'm still in the same place. I started and stopped so many times and I have yet to "get it right". I am going to be starting 2025 with the same goals as 2024 .. and 2023 ... and probably 2022. I have to pull myself out of the hole I've dug and start this final section of life: retirement. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I will magically find a job in the new year. In all honesty, I don't want a new job. This means I have ZERO excuses not to fully devote my life to losing the weight. I have nothing but time. I do not want to end 2025 in the same place. I want to be thinner and happier. Last night I tossed and turned in bed as I couldn't get comfortable. My left hip and knee were aching and no matter how I positioned myself in bed I couldn't rest. I ended up taking 2 Tylenol after 1 am and finally went to sleep. My weight is killing me, I know this, yet I keep eating. I did throw away all the Christmas cookies except the cutouts and a special cookie that Lauren made. Even the nut balls that were my favorite are headed for the trash. For some reason they just don't taste good. I know Kim tries to reduce sugar or do other things to reduce calories, so I'm thinking she didn't follow the recipe. I did eat the sour cream cookies (3) and the ricotta cookies (3) last night, but even those weren't "great". The sour cream were pretty good but the ricotta were a bit doughy. The gingerbread they made weren't great, so I tossed those this morning. I threw away all the cookies Alyssa & Erin made. They just didn't appeal to me. Perhaps that is a good thing ! I'm starting to feel "ready" to get back on track ! I do have some things I want to do. I want to make a batch of chili. I want to make a batch of enchiladas. I want to make a batch of meatloaf. My plan for all 3 items is to freeze reasonable portions. I think my biggest goal for 2024 is going to be gradually phasing out Nutrisystem food. I can have Eggo waffles or Jimmy Dean sandwiches for breakfast. I can have soup for lunch, or an enchilada, chili or meatloaf. Morning and afternoon snacks have always been made with my own food choices. Dinner can be an enchilada, meatloaf, chicken breast, bowl of chili etc. The key to all of these choices is portion size. Evening snack choices might be a tough one, but I have time to work on alternatives. I have to look at cost when compared to Nutrisystem, which gives me 96 food items for about $244 a month, or $2.54 per item. As I've said many times, it's a tough decision because I am locked in to this low rate. If I cancel I will never get this rate back. So what I may continue doing is subbing in my own foods to stretch the timeframe between deliveries. Perhaps goal #1 will be delaying each shipment the max timeframe, which is 60 days. My next shipment date is 1/3, so I could delay the next to 3/3, then 5/3, then 7/3, 9/3, 11/3. That would mean 6 shipments for the year instead of 12. Huge savings of $1464. I don't think buying "real" food would cost me that much, but I could save my receipts to see what I spend. We'll see !

So today I was awake just after 8 and got up not long after. I had 4 hungry cats at the back door so once everyone was fed I sat down with my breakfast, which was 2 Eggo waffles with coffee. I texted Rich to wish him a happy birthday and tuned in to the deer pantry on YouTube. It always starts on 12/16 and since that is Rich's birthday it's easy to remember. I played some Cookie Jam too. Around 11:30 I got up to get a second cup of coffee and start this blog. My plan for the day is a shower, short trip to Walmart and cleaning the kitchen so I can bake tomorrow.

I learned something new today about vitamins. When a vitamin is "fat soluble", it means you need fat in order for your body to take it up. Vitamins A, D, E & K are fat soluble. What I read stated "The body absorbs fat-soluble vitamins more easily when dietary fat is present". The problem with fat-soluble vitamins is if you take too much it ends up being stored in the body and too much of any of them is not good. You have no way to know how much your body is absorbing or how much it is stored, which is why getting vitamins from "real" food is best. The body gets rid of excess water soluble vitamins, so they're not as much of a concern. I can take B vitamins without worrying, so I may start taking B12 again soon. Just about all of the important vitamins are fat-soluble, so I now see why so many people say some fat in your diet is important. Ding ding ding - this is why !!!! So in 2025 I'm going to try and blend Nutrisystem food with real food, in an effort to take in enough vitamins while watching my calories. I really like milk so I'm going to focus on getting enough of that first, to increase my calcium and vitamin D levels. I think I'll get enough of the other vitamins through the foods I eat. Now I am also seeing why you should roast your veggies with some olive oil ! The fat helps you absorb the vitamins !

I just sat here and finished the last of the 24 cutout cookies I brought home on Saturday. Truthfully, I'm glad they're gone and that I've thrown away all the other cookies. I really want to get back to eating the Nutrisystem way, because I felt better ! I'm not buying any more sweets ! I sat here and ate those cookies even though an open container of yogurt was at my fingertips, waiting to be eaten. That 80 calorie protein shot would have been a much better choice. Why am I fat ? Because I make stupid choices ! I sabotage myself all day long. I sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself all day long. In the new year I'm going to work on cooking more. I have some good recipes that I want to try, like brussels sprouts with garlic & goat cheese. I could make a giant pot of homemade vegetable soup and have as much of that as I want. I have some chicken stock left over from Thanksgiving, so I can use that up. I do have to be careful with food I cook myself as it's not so easy to gauge calorie count and I will need to be careful with portion size. What looks like 250 calories can easily be 450 ! My enchiladas will be easy as you can add up the total calories of all ingredients and then decide how many portions you need to get the calorie count low enough. I used to make 6 enchiladas and I'll bet I can get 12 using the same recipe and the correct portion size ! I serve them with sour cream and low fat sour cream will be perfect. My mouth is just watering thinking about it ! Chili will be relatively easy as well, mostly because I only need to be concerned with the calories in the hamburger and the kidney beans. All of the other calories are veggie related (tomatoes) and don't "count". I would eliminate the cheddar cheese and sour cream on top, as those are unnecessary calories.

In an odd twist of fate (since I was talking about losing my job in 2024), I just heard that AT&T is closing the call center in Florida ! I love hearing this, because all those holier than thou people will be in the same boat I'm in. I feel bad for the former Syracuse folks who moved there to continue their career, but they did get another 5+ years of employment - just like me ! I don't know when the center is closing but I'm going to guess it will be early 2025. I can't wait to see the "open to work" on the manager's LinkedIn profiles .. lol ! Most of the non-Syracuse people are nowhere near retirement and the age of DEI hires is fading fast, so they're going to get a rude awakening. Karma at it's finest ! Laurie may end up being retained longer than expected to help with transition, but I expect she'll be out the door before 2025 is over. I'm sure all of the former Syracuse folks are retirement eligible, so they will have their 401k (if they saved wisely!), their pension and their severance. It used to be 2 years of severance, I'm not sure if they successfully changed that in the contract. They also used to have job protection, where the company had to offer them a job elsewhere. I don't know if they still have that either, since they just signed a new contract. I'm sure the company knew the center was closing and they likely wanted to write out the long severance and the job offer language. I'm sure more info about this will trickle out soon, so I'll keep an eye on Facebook posts. Florida does have a WARN act but it has to effect 500 or more people and I don't think they had that many people. A WARN act means they have to give 60 days notice, unlike the 2 weeks I got. I have to wonder where the work is going. Fed Gov can't be sent to offs-shore workers and some of the state customers don't allow that either. That only leaves Birmingham, which may be where it's going. I don't care where the work goes. I'm glad to see the smug people in Florida in the same boat as everyone else. Managers get screwed on severance (I got 6 months because I had 39 years of service) and vacation time. That won't break my heart as the managers there were trash. The only Syracuse manager that went to Florida retired early this year and moved back to New York. I guess he should have hung in there and collected severance ! In truth, I wasn't "hoping" for something like this to happen and I'm actually shocked. Still, it's hard to generate sympathy for most of those people. They bad-mouthed the Syracuse folks before the work was moved, and I've never forgotten that. Most of the people I worked with were hard working and very good at what they did. The work was moved so they could pay less to workers with much less seniority and a different title with a lower base pay. Everyone in Syracuse was at top pay and had been for years. Still, I am very grateful for the extra 5 years of employment I got. I was very lucky.

In TikTok news, nothing has changed. The January 19 deadline still looms, but I read today that Trump had said he would overturn that law. I'm not sure if that is true, but I hope it's not. That app has caused so much damage to young people in this country. They all aspire to live off TikTok money instead of getting a real job. Better to cut them off now, keep other young people from falling into that trap and force them all back into reality where you go to school and/or get a job to support yourself. I'm on the fence about downloading TikTok again just to have it before the Dem's take it away !

Well, in the end I did nothing today. Didn't clean the kitchen, didn't go to Walmart ... but I did shower and wash my hair !! I'll clear the decks in the kitchen when I get up tomorrow and then make my cookies. I plan to get started early and hopefully use the momentum to get out to the store. We'll see !

I threw away the last of the cookies I had hanging around, because they weren't to my taste and why take in those calories ? The spritz cookies I'm making tomorrow will be my "last hurrah" as they're one of my favorites ! It's unfortunate that the cookies my family made just weren't that good. Man, I used to make the nut ball cookies and they were the absolute best. My sister makes them now and they are crap, probably because she's trying to reduce sugar and calories. I may have to make a single batch of them just so I can enjoy them.

Today is December 16 so there are only 15 more days left in this awful year. I thought 2022 was bad because mom passed away. That was a super tragic event, but this year has been traumatic. My job was my lifeline for so many years and it was not easy to see that ripped away so fast. I am grateful I don't "need" the lifeline quite so desperately but I wish I was still working. I have 15 days to continue working on getting my mindset ready to jump back in to Nutrisystem and exercise. My digestive issues are 100% gone and have been for weeks. I feel so much better but I am definitely feeling the effects of all the weight I've gained. I hate having to lug around this massive fat body. I'm still so mad at myself for letting this happen and I'm determined to turn this around in 2025 !

It's only 9 pm but I'm tired and I want to get up early tomorrow and get doing with my cookies and a quick trip to Walmart. I'm going to have my evening snack and then head to bed.