Day 153: The End of 2024 Is In Sight !

 

I had so much hope for 2024, but I haven't accomplished anything. I failed miserably getting back on my diet and exercise program. I lost my job. I can't seem to keep my house neat, though I'm trying. Here is a link to my first post of 2024: New Year  I feel like I'm still in the same place. I started and stopped so many times and I have yet to "get it right". I am going to be starting 2025 with the same goals as 2024 .. and 2023 ... and probably 2022. I have to pull myself out of the hole I've dug and start this final section of life: retirement. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I will magically find a job in the new year. In all honesty, I don't want a new job. This means I have ZERO excuses not to fully devote my life to losing the weight. I have nothing but time. I do not want to end 2025 in the same place. I want to be thinner and happier.

I wrote the paragraph above on 12-16-24. I'm going to repeat it in every blog through 12-31-24.

I was awake around 7:30 today and got up around 8:20. There were no stray cats waiting to eat again, so I fed Minnie and settled on the couch for snuggles while I had my coffee and breakfast. Just before 10 am I decided to head out to Walmart, rather than having a second cup of coffee. I didn't want to get too comfortable ! I checked outside for cats and there were 2, so I fed them before I left. I'm glad I checked ! I was home about 11:10 since this was just a quick Walmart run and a stop at the village office to drop off my water/sewer payment. The last bill of 2024 has officially been paid ! 

Once I got home I put everything away and then settled in for that second cup of coffee. I was hungry and didn't really buy anything I could snack on, so I settled for a yogurt. Much better choice ! I did buy some treats to enjoy over the next few days. I bought chicken tenders and ranch dressing, along with potato skins and a coconut layer cake. I still have shrimp in the freezer too, so I'm going to get out 8 per day until they're gone. I wanted to buy a cherry pie but they didn't have any. That would have been amazing with my coffee. I could have bought a cheese danish but I let that thought go. I bought pizza supplies but only enough to get through January 3. I really want to hit the ground running with Nutrisystem on January 4. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be very hard to give up the pizza again. I bought the layer cake because I happened to see Erin eating a slice of cake on Christmas. I'm not sure where it came from, as cake was not offered to anyone. I wasn't even offered a piece of ricotta pie to take home, even though there was plenty left. I will add that to the list of recipes to try myself. Honestly, Alyssa tries but her version is not as good as Aunt Ann's. Same goes for the baked artichoke hearts that Joe makes. They are dry as the Sahara because he overdoes the bread crumbs and uses zero seasoning, so they taste like nothing. I found an easy recipe that uses white wine, lemon and garlic. I'm going to try it !

We have another weekly winter storm watch ! This one runs from Wednesday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. I'm glad it's holding out long enough for me to enjoy going out for New Year's Eve ! I'd most likely be staying home Wednesday through Sunday anyway. I have plenty of food for the cats and myself. Weather continues to be a roller coaster. It was 59 degrees when I went to bed last night ! Right now it's 45 and misty. The radar doesn't show any real rain, so it's just going to be a damp gray day. I'm glad I did my errands already. Now I can enjoy the rest of my day.

Change of plans for what I'm bringing to NYE. I was going to make a cheesy chicken bacon ranch dip, but Kim sent out a "what people are bringing" and Lauren is making some kind of dip. I didn't want to "compete" so I decided to just go the easy route and make deviled eggs. It's easier and everyone likes them. I will make them tomorrow morning, since I'm not going to Kim's until 6 pm. I do plan to eat before I go, so I won't be starving and overeat on a bunch of junk.

One thing I need to work on in 2025 is my food anxiety. I did a brief Google search for food insecurity and food anxiety and I'm not really sure how to categorize my relationship with food, other than to admit it's not good. I often "worry" about having enough food in the house. It's not an economic issue, but I feel like this behavior started during the hard times with Alex. I can't say I ever didn't have money to buy groceries. I always managed to figure it out and keep us afloat. We got over 10 feet of snow in February 2007 and I wasn't prepared. At the time we had 6 cats and 4 dogs to feed and I hadn't stocked up. Back then I didn't pay much attention to the forecast. Lesson learned ! After that experience, which took nearly 2 weeks to dig out from, I started stocking the pantry in the fall and paying a bit more attention to the forecast. Having a full pantry helped when covid hit and prices skyrocketed while products became scarce. These days I pay close attention to the forecast and make sure I shop in advance. I don't have dogs anymore and I'm down to 1 cat and the strays, but I still make sure I keep plenty of their food in stock. Who knows when the next pandemic will strike ! When I go back to Nutrisystem on 1-4 I won't need to keep so many food items in stock. Nutrisystem will deliver 28 days of food on a monthly basis and I just need to keep veggies and snack items on hand, such as yogurt and cheese. But I digress, the topic is to figure out how to end the food anxiety. For example, I'm going to my sister's tomorrow and I'm already worried about having enough to eat ! Why ?!?!?! There is always plenty of food. One thing I'm trying to do is cater to my cravings. Too often I would eat something other than what I wanted, and then end up eating the item I really wanted anyways. Why not just feed the craving and move on ? Here's an example. I was hungry when I got home from the grocery store, since all I had this morning was a 180 calorie Nutrisystem cinnamon roll. I wanted to make a pizza, even though it wasn't even noon. So I got a yogurt out of the fridge. Well, now it's 12:15 and the yogurt is sitting here unopened. It's going back in the fridge and I'm going to make the pizza ! If I want something sweet later I'll have the yogurt. Some of my issues are likely of my own doing. I just need to be more mindful about eating. I don't have to give in to hunger at the exact second I feel it. With the digestive issues I've had recently, it's kind of nice to actually hear my stomach rumble. It didn't for a while and perhaps this is a sign of healing. I think the bout of bloody diarrhea in April was some sort of food borne illness or reaction to overusing Miralax, as there has been no recurrence. I also think the blood in my stool in October was directly related to taking Ibuprofen. It too cleared up and things look and feel more normal. I do still have abdominal discomfort at times but I can attribute that to 3 things. #1 is the weight gain. Obviously all the fat I've packed on is competing for space with my abdominal organs. #2 is the sagging couch that I've been sitting on all day since the end of May, when I got laid off. The way I sit basically means my lower rib cage is pushing down on everything, because I don't sit up straight. I don't have the discomfort when I'm walking around or lying flat in bed. We'll see how things go when I start dropping some of this bulk. #3 is my enormous boobs and my not wearing a bra all day. Yep, the girls are hanging onto my abdomen and just adding extra pressure. Lifting them up makes a huge difference (pun intended) so losing some weight should help. The good thing is I tend to lose weight there first !

It's 12:44 now and I'm waiting for the oven to reach temperature, so I can put the pizza in. I am starving now ! Lately, the minute I'm done with a pizza I remark to myself that I could eat another one ! When I had the blood in my stool in October my appetite was a little off, so I'm happy to see it return. That could have been anxiety related or just a symptom of the unrest in my digestive tract. Feeling hungry is good and I am trying to embrace that. On January 4 I intend to start slowly introducing Metamucil into my day. I will start with 1 tablespoon, instead of 2, and see how my body reacts. 

I didn't shower last night, because I waited until it was too late and I was tired/lazy. I won't make that mistake again today ! I still haven't soaked my feet, so that is on the agenda for the new year !

Another issue I have to address with eating is waiting too long. Perhaps this is the concept of "restriction" ? I have a tendency to wait until I am starving, and then I am looking around for something to eat "quick". Right now is an example. At 12:15 above, I wrote that I was going to make my pizza instead of having the yogurt I got out. Well, it's 12:32 and I haven't moved off the couch. Now I am starving and "worried" about waiting for the pizza to be done. Mind you, it only take 20 minutes to cook and the oven takes about 10 minutes to reach temperature. Waiting 30 minutes is not the end of the world ! 12:50 and the pizza is finally in the oven ! After I prepared the pizza I also got 8 shrimp out and put them in the fridge to thaw. I will have those this evening. It's raining now, so I'm doubly glad I got my errands done already ! For once I didn't procrastinate until the very last second. I'm sitting here dressed with a bra on and I am much more comfortable. I really think walking around without a bra all day is part of my problem, so my plan to get dressed every morning after breakfast will help ! I can't wait for my Amazon order to come. I'm really hoping the support for the couch stops the sagging. It claims the weight limit is 400, so I should be good ! I'm also hoping the new batteries will resolve the issue with the garage door opener. It took a few pushes today to get the door to close, but as usual it opens on the first push. So weird ! I will replace the batteries in the spare remote first and see if that resolves the issue before I put a new battery in the other one.

So today is December 30 and 2024 is almost over. I can't say I'm sorry to see this year end. Losing my job was awful, though I do enjoy doing my own thing all day every day. My health concerns didn't help, nor did gaining even more weight. The only bright spots in 2024 were the time spent with family. I really, really want to start fresh in 2024 and get myself in a better place mentally and physically. It's going to take work, but it's nothing I'm not used to. I lost the weight once, I can do it again. I'm looking forward to my last post to this blog tomorrow and then moving on to the 2025 blog. Everything will be fresh !

To that end, I'm about to push myself off the couch and put the dishes to soak. The kitchen is a mess and I have to make deviled eggs tomorrow, so I need a clear and clean workspace. I also don't want to start the new year with a mess ! I just spent some time clearing out my emails and also ordered some Nutrisystem gift cards to pay for my next order. I save $60 each order by buying $100 gift cards for $80 from Costco. They should pop into my email later today. My $304.14 order ends up only costing $244.11, which is great ! I also get reward points from my credit card. I also checked in on my bank account to ensure all is well, which it is. I read earlier that the recommended IRA withdrawal in retirement is 4% of the balance. Based on a balance of $400k, that would mean taking $16,000 a year, which is about $1333 a month. I think that, with SS and my pension, would easily support me. Retirement isn't looking so bad, provided the market doesn't crash and tank my investments ! I still plan to sign up for unemployment and look for a job enough to satisfy whatever requirement there may be. It will help cover my medical costs !

Ok, enough procrastinating .. it's 2:17 pm and time to get the kitchen cleaned up ! Once it's done I may have a cup of coffee and a piece of that coconut cake !

Well, it's 3:10 pm and the dishes are done ! There wasn't that many, it was plasticware and a few pans that I like to wash by hand. Just big bulky stuff. I am SO happy to have that done ! I also took my Fitbit off and scrubbed the band. Then I plugged in the extra battery for my Ring doorbell so I can swap that out. The kitchen is all ready for deviled eggs tomorrow ! I'm going to make an effort to wash those dishes tomorrow too and then scrub the stove top on Wednesday. It's been a while since I used the polishing cleaner on that. For now, I'm sitting in the living room writing this and enjoying a cup of coffee. I have a slice of coconut cake sitting here, which I will eat once the chill is off. I don't like cold cake. I'm still full from my pizza anyways, which was delicious ! I have 4 crusts left and that will take me through January 3. I almost bought a 2 pound bag of mozzarella today, but I stopped myself and bought a one pound bag. I did buy 2 bottles of pizza sauce, but I will likely end up with an unopened bottle. It'll keep for a while. I bought one package of pepperoni and I may have some left, but I can have that as a snack in small quantities, with a little cheese. I have a large block of cheddar I want to eat, along with a bag of whole grain crackers. So right now I have everything I need to start Nutrisystem on January 4. I'm excited and hopeful and nervous !

Well, it's 3:48 pm and I just finished the absolutely delicious piece of coconut cake. I had 3 choices in the frozen case at Walmart: key lime pie, lemon meringue pie or coconut cake. I think I made the right choice, though I love all 3 options ! Walmart used to have a large selection of frozen desserts but they recently redid the store and many products have fewer options. They used to sell all kinds of frozen pies and today I saw none. Years ago they carried a deep dish apple pie that I used to buy. You baked it yourself at home and it was outstanding. The manufacturer discontinued it, and that broke my heart. It was made by Marie Callender and I really miss that pie !

Today I have this sense of "waiting". I'm waiting for January 4 to get here so I can restart my life. My Nutrisystem gift cards popped into my email, so I've applied those to my account. My next order processes on January 3. I have plenty of food to get started on January 4 so it doesn't matter when that order gets here. Here's what I'd like my day to look like when January 4 rolls around: get up, feed cats & have breakfast, get dressed and make bed. Have protein shake at noon and get on treadmill. Have lunch, have afternoon snack, get on treadmill. Have dinner, shower & skincare, have evening snack, brush teeth and go to bed. Wednesday's will be the exception due to rock & roll bingo.

It's 5:45 and I've accomplished a few things today. Got the grocery shopping done, paid the last bill of the year, washed the dishes, changed out the battery in my doorbell, checked in on my accounts and got my Nutrisystem order situated. I'd also call all this writing an accomplishment ! I still need to shower, do skincare and brush my teeth at bedtime. I'll shower after dinner but before evening snack.

Dinner is going to be chicken tenders with ranch dressing and a shrimp cocktail ! Talk about fancy ! I bought a "family size" bag but I am sure they will be gone by January 3. I may have ranch dressing left, but I can use small amounts of that in salad until it's gone. The only "contraband" I have in the house is the shrimp, chicken tenders & ranch and the coconut cake. Most, if not all, of it should be gone by 1-3. I'm proud of myself for not buying candy, though I still have a few Hershey Kisses and half of a candy bar. I will keep those for an "emergency" .. lol ! Oh - and I have pretzels and cashews. I can have those in small quantities, so not a worry.

Well, it's 5 pm and I'm not really hungry for dinner yet, so I'm going to be different and go take my shower now ! I'll also grab my water bottle and bring that downstairs to refill. Drinking more water is another thing I have to start working on. Goal is to finish 2 full water bottles per day ! Yikes - I don't even finish one right now !

It's 6:07 pm and shower and skincare is done ! I'm heating the oven for my chicken tenders and they take a while, so it'll be well after 6:30 before I can eat. 

Looking at the forecast, I don't think I'll see any snow until maybe late Thursday. The high on Wednesday is 40 but it'll drop to 31 overnight. Even so, the forecast high for Thursday is 34, which is above freezing. I'm going to guess it'll be Friday before I see any real snow.